Mercury retrograde can be hell for relationships – here’s how to avoid your own destruction

The final Mercury Retrograde of 2024 is upon us, folks.

As a personal planet, Mercury – which rules communication, currency and exchange – has a direct influence on our daily lives and intimate relationships.

As the fastest moving planet in our solar system, Mercury goes retrograde three to four times a year.

The last Mercury retrograde of the year is taking place in the sign of Sagittarius. EJManzaneque – stock.adobe.com

When you factor in the retrograde shadow period—and as a recovering goth kid, I always consider the shadow—humanity spends up to six months a year at the mercy of dealing with Mercury’s deceleration.

Mercury, to the Romans or Hermes to the Greeks, was the messenger of the gods, whose communication route stretched from the ambrosian peaks of Mount Olympus to the rapturous depths of the underworld.

How does Mercury retrograde affect us?

Similar in scope, Mercury’s influence can serve the lower modes of petty anger or the better angels of poetry, understanding, and human union.

Because of the personal and intimate nature of Mercury, its retrograde is challenging for all of us – perhaps most especially for lovers and love-seekers.

Indeed, 71% of respondents admitted that Mercury Retrograde harms their love life.

How long does Mercury in retrograde last?

Mercury is named for the fleet-footed messenger god, shown here reaching for a spiral of chaos. Andrés García – stock.adobe.com

Mercury retrograde began on November 25th, and although the planet goes direct on December 15th, we will be under the influence of this transit until January 1st, when the coyote planet finally clears its post-retrograde shadow, also known as the retro shadow.

What sign is mercury retrograde right now?

Right now, and through the beginning of the year, Mercury is retrograde and then retrograde in Sagittarius, encouraging existential musings, philosophical clashes, and questions about what love, freedom, partnership, and expansion look like in a broken world.

EVA AI, a leading digital backup company, comes right to the point with practical advice and compassionate answers on how we can all save our relationships and keep the flame of love burning like butane during this season of f—ing high.

Read on to learn more.

PARDON

Try to understand mistakes “as a turning point, but not the end.” Syda Productions – stock.adobe.c

The root of the word sorry comes from Old English fabricator which means, “to give up the power to punish.” In this sense and during this transit, it is best to lay down your weapons of emotional warfare and give grace, even when you want to vent anger.

EVA AI asserts, “During Mercury retrograde, mistakes aren’t just possible—they’re bound to happen. Forgot your anniversary? Did you send that sext to your stepmom by mistake? Give yourself and your partner a break. A little forgiveness goes a long way. If you can admit it , you’re halfway to finding a solution. If you stay on the sunny side, mistakes are just plot twists in your relationship rom-com.”

In the words of my lion-hearted friend Ric Robertson, try to see mistakes “as a turning point, not the end.”

Communicate openly and honestly

Speak clearly and speak calmly, people. saturated_ – stock.adobe.com

Mercury retrograde is notorious (and sneaky) for cloaking the simplest of messages in ugly riddles, muddled narratives, and stirring feelings.

While Mercury likes to stir the proverbial pot, you can make sure the ingredients are pure.

EVA AI advises, “If something bothers you, share it. Use words, emojis, interpretive dance – whatever it takes to be clear. The point here is to leave no room for misinterpretation.”

It is infinitely better to exaggerate clearly than to offend vaguely.

Practice active listening

Listen like your relationship depends on it. suryono – stock.adobe.com

Mercury doesn’t just mess with our messages; tests our patience.

This retrograde cycle challenges you to practice active listening with your partner, especially when the subject is difficult or emotionally charged.

By maintaining eye contact and keeping your mouth shut, you not only ensure that you hear your partner – but that your partner feels heard.

EVA AI shares, “Listen like your relationship depends on it (because it does now).

When responding (not reacting because active listening requires measured feedback), avoid the ugly crutch of sarcasm or slight insults.

There are rarely times when kindness is not required.

Focus on the issue

Fight the problem, not your partner. Teodor Lazarev – stock.adobe.com

When tensions are high, it’s easy to let “you forgot to take out the trash” snowball into “you never appreciated/cared/loved/supported me!”

EVA AI suggests: “Fight the problem, not your partner. Resist the urge to take personal jabs and instead work together to identify and resolve the real issue—whether it’s a miscommunication, a scheduling snafu, or a lack of quality time.”

The compromise

Choose your relationship over the need to be right. Stock Photo Factory – stock.adobe.com

In the words of my former couples therapist, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in a relationship?”

Turns out I wanted to be right, Dan.

I leave, during Mercury retrograde reducing arguments like win vs. the loss is ultimately to the detriment of both parties. As EVA AI says, “Compromise is not lost; it is dear.”

Embroider that st on a pillow and call it progress, folks.

Apologize sincerely

Make your mea culpas count. Framestock – stock.adobe.com

EVA AI shares: “We’ve all been waiting for a half-hearted ‘sorry’ and it’s as satisfying as decaf or a half-hearted job. Admit your mistakes, admit the hurt you caused, explain what happened (without excuses), and express your desire to make it right…on your partner’s timeline.”

Pro tip: using the word ‘but’ in an apology automatically negates it. Make sure you swallow your pride and understand it when mea culpa.

Respect your partner’s boundaries

Healthy boundaries can be a bonding agent! gballgiggs – stock.adobe.com

Sometimes love looks like giving and taking space, people.

EVA AI gives, “During retrograde, everyone’s tolerance levels reach an alarmingly low level. Respect your partner’s need for space, quiet, or even an evening of nonstop doom. Whether it’s emotional breathing room or a simple request not to have deep conversations after 10 p.m., respecting boundaries equals honoring your relationship.”


Astrology 101: Your Guide to the Stars


Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and reports irreverently on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.

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