Dear ABBY: My daughter, “Virginia,” 27, lives with her boyfriend, “Ray,” on the East Coast and teaches kindergarten. Last month, she told him she caught him cheating on her. She saw messages on his phone.
When she confronted him, Ray immediately confessed and apologized profusely, but he also had the woman’s number on his phone.
Ray will soon be moving to another state and her job will be over in about three weeks. Virginia is seriously considering going with him and has even mentioned marriage.
Her mother and I are divorced because of her mother’s infidelity, but we agree that we will advise her not to stay with him.
Although he took responsibility, betrayal is devastating in any serious relationship.
I have gone back and forth with Virginia via email, but sometimes she stops communicating.
I wasn’t being harsh, but I asked why Ray would keep the other woman’s number if he didn’t want to stay in touch with her.
Can you think of anything else a concerned father could do to help the situation? Of course, Virginia can ignore her parents’ advice and do what she wants.
I’m wondering what I can say to Ray when I see him next. I neither want to give him a pass nor condemn him as a monster. – STRONG DADDY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FATHER: Talk to your daughter, face to face if possible. Tell her that as an adult she can do whatever she wants, but as a caring parent you can’t stay silent.
Remind her that Ray kept the other woman’s number, which means he intends to contact her at some point.
Explain that, to you, this means that he is less devoted to your daughter than he should be.
As for what to say to Virginia’s boyfriend, tell him that you are disgusted by his selfishness and dishonesty, and he doesn’t deserve your daughter.
If you have any other thoughts on the topic you’d like to share, feel free to pass them along.
Dear ABBY: What would you say about a man who offered his wife’s siblings an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris, knowing that his wife could not consider going on such a trip because of movement problems?
Full disclosure: The husband and wife have been to Paris in the past (when the wife’s health was fine), but the husband feels the need to go again and has no one else to accompany him.
His wife will be left alone at home to fend for herself. Somehow, this whole deal leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Please direct me. – HOME IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR HOME: People with physical disabilities travel abroad all the time.
If the man has the money to take his wife’s siblings on an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris, surely he can afford to take his wife and a nanny with him on that trip down memory lane.
That way, she would take care of it and still be able to enjoy the trip as much as she can. No one suggested it but me?
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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