Dear ABBY: I am a 64 year old guy. I am single and have two daughters and four grandchildren. A young woman (“Sarah”), who is my daughter’s age, and I have been hiking buddies for the past five years. I treat her as my third daughter and a family member. Sara is married and her husband does not like walking. Her husband and my daughters accept our friendship and are happy that I found a person I can walk with.
I am engaged to a lady (“Toni”) who is close to my age. Six months ago, I suggested we spend our lives together. My daughters and Sarah were happy for me. Tony dismissed my proposal, mentioning that I should have some sort of romantic relationship with Sarah.
When I mentioned it to Sara, she distanced herself from me. I think she thinks she may have interfered with my relationship with Tony. We are still friends, but not like before. Should I talk to Sarah and ask why she distanced herself from me? I feel down about it and have some regrets. I shouldn’t have told her what Tony said. – HIKER IN COLORADO
Dear climber: I don’t think you did anything wrong by telling Sarah what Tony implied. You have the right to ask any question you want to your hiking buddy. You won’t know why your warm five-year relationship with him turned cold unless you ask.
What I would like to know is if you are still in a relationship with Toni after she rejected your proposal. If the answer is yes, do you plan to move on, knowing that you have no future with her unless you find a male walking buddy?
Dear ABBY: I have had a friend who has been in my life and a part of my friend group since high school. Years and years later, she has become increasingly negative towards everyone for no reason. Her husband is dying now, and we don’t know how to treat him.
She has ghosted us all because she is so full of hate and negativity. We had decades of fun and memories, but she wants nothing to do with us. How to deal with the death of her husband? She says we’re all fake, which is in her head. – IMMERSED IN OHIO
DEAR SUBSCRIBE: How long has this woman been going “negative”? There may be a reason why it has changed. Her husband is sick and will not get better. If she loves him and feels any responsibility towards him, she is directing all her energies in that direction.
The way to handle this would be for you old friends to step up. Tell her you care. Volunteer to help in any way she will allow, and don’t isolate her any more than she has isolated herself. If you didn’t, I can understand why she might have said she thought you were fake.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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